So I’ve decided to start a blog. I’ve recently (in the fall) made a
decision that was a difficult decision to make. It was one of those things that
I committed to doing something, told my friends and family I was doing it- had
lots of praise, encouragement etc. and then…about 6 weeks in…I QUIT!
I had started my Masters of Social Work. Something I have
been saying I want to do since I finished my Bachelor of Social work. I had an
opportunity to start 2 years ago but
declined it as it didn’t seem like the right time. Then I started looking at
other program that I felt would be more in tune with what I wanted to learn.
They were all much more competitive programs and I was never able to get into
them (mostly because I had simply not been working long enough and required more
experience). I finally decided to take
the plunge this year. I needed to do the
program while working full time. There were 3 other colleagues completing the
program I was accepted to and 2 other colleagues going on to other Masters
programs.
So I started my MSW.
It seemed like the right thing to do. The logical next step. The time
was now. So I did it… and I was miserable. The first day in my second class all
I could think for the entire three hours was “What have I done!” but I finished the first block of classes
(the program was set up as 4 days of classes every 6 weeks). I kept pushing
away these nagging feelings that kept creeping in. feelings that this was the
wrong program, feeling that it would be financially difficult to do school,
feelings that I would struggle to do this and work full time and more
importantly that I was going to be miserable the whole time I was doing it.
That was the biggest struggle…
For those of you who know me…I’m not a miserable person. I
am a positive thinker and eternally optimistic…sometimes to a fault- I always
see the glass half full and I generally see the best in people. The
thought of spending the next two years doing things I didn’t find joy in, and
letting it take me away from things I did find joy in, was troubling at best. So
as I was working on my assignment that would be due in the second block I had a
total breakdown. I sat in my apartment and I sobbed. I called my sister and
sobbed to her. I called my dear friend CT and sobbed to her and at the end of
the day I thought I can’t feel this way for the next two years. (this is also not like me- I have a good
catharsis about once a year) So after a couple of phone calls and some
amazing support people I packed a bag, grabbed a bottle of wine and went to my
sisters – drank said bottle of wine – laughed with and enjoyed the company of
my mom and sister and have not looked back since. I have not regretted it one bit. I think that
is a pretty clear indicator that it was the right decision.
The next step is yet to come…the reason for this blog….not just my sob story of
being a quitter…is the journey I want to come now.
